We’ve all been there. You walk into a meeting room, and suddenly a coworker makes a pointed comment about your timing, subtly suggesting you’re unprofessional. The room gets uncomfortable as everyone witnesses this passive-aggressive exchange.
I recently watched a short video featuring Advice with Erin that perfectly captured this workplace dynamic. In it, she demonstrates how to handle a coworker who’s clearly trying to make her look bad in front of others. This scenario struck me as all too familiar—and her response was masterful.
Recognizing the Undermining Tactics
The scene opens with Erin walking into a meeting, only to have her coworker immediately point out her “lateness” with the passive-aggressive comment: “So Erin, since you came in late, do you want me to start at the beginning?”
This is a classic undermining tactic. The coworker isn’t genuinely concerned about catching Erin up—she’s trying to highlight a perceived failure in front of everyone else. What makes this particularly insidious is how it’s wrapped in a veneer of helpfulness while actually attempting to damage Erin’s professional reputation.
In the video, Erin reveals what many of us think but don’t say: “She pretends like everything I do is a massive inconvenience and I’m so unprofessional, trying to make me feel insecure and look bad in front of everyone else.”
The Power of a Measured Response
What impressed me most was how Erin handled the situation. She demonstrates two potential responses:
- The emotional reaction: Calling out the manipulation directly and pointing out that the meeting started early as a sabotage attempt
- The strategic response: Maintaining composure with a simple “No thank you. You were on a roll. Continue, please.”
The second approach is brilliant for several reasons. By declining the “offer” to restart the meeting, Erin:
- Refuses to accept the premise that she was late
- Doesn’t give the underminer the satisfaction of seeing her rattled
- Maintains her professionalism in front of colleagues
- Subtly shifts power back to herself
This strategy works because it doesn’t escalate the situation or create a scene that might reflect poorly on you. Instead, it quietly but firmly establishes boundaries.
Why This Matters Beyond the Meeting Room
These small workplace interactions might seem trivial, but they can significantly impact your career trajectory and daily job satisfaction. When left unchecked, undermining behaviors can damage your reputation, decrease your confidence, and even affect your performance evaluations.
Learning to respond effectively to passive-aggressive colleagues is an essential professional skill that many of us develop through painful trial and error.
I’ve found that maintaining composure in these situations requires practice. My natural instinct is often to either over-explain myself or to respond with matching aggression. Neither works well. The calm, unbothered approach Erin demonstrates takes emotional intelligence and self-control—qualities that actually showcase your leadership potential.
Building Your Response Toolkit
Beyond Erin’s specific example, I’ve found these strategies helpful when dealing with undermining coworkers:
- Document patterns of behavior, especially before important meetings or presentations
- Build allies who can vouch for your work and professionalism
- Practice brief, neutral responses that don’t feed into the drama
- Focus on the work itself rather than the interpersonal dynamics
The goal isn’t to “win” against difficult coworkers but to prevent their behavior from affecting your work and wellbeing.
When we respond to undermining with grace and confidence, we not only protect ourselves but also demonstrate to everyone in the room exactly who the professional is. And sometimes, that silent demonstration speaks volumes more than any defensive response could.
Next time you encounter a coworker trying to make you look bad, remember Erin’s approach. A calm “continue, please” might be all you need to turn the tables while keeping your dignity intact.