I recently watched a video that perfectly captured a common workplace mistake: demanding respect instead of earning it. The scene showed a young team leader announcing, “I was hired to lead this team, so I expect everyone to give me the respect that I deserve” – only to be met with eye rolls and comments about their age and inexperience.
This scenario hits close to home because I’ve seen it play out countless times in professional settings. Respect cannot be commanded through words or position – it must be earned through consistent actions and behaviors.
The Paradox of Seeking Respect
What struck me most about the advice given in the video was this powerful insight: “The more you try to get people to respect you, the less people are going to respect you.” This paradox explains why many new managers struggle when they first step into leadership roles.
When we desperately seek validation from our teams, we actually signal insecurity. I’ve observed that truly respected leaders rarely talk about deserving respect – they’re too busy demonstrating why they’ve earned it.
Think about the leaders you’ve most respected in your career. Did they demand your respect, or did they earn it naturally through their actions?
How Respect Is Actually Earned
Building genuine respect requires consistent behaviors that demonstrate competence, character, and care for your team. Based on what I saw in the video and my own experience, here are the key actions that earn respect:
- Be decisive when making tough calls
- Have difficult conversations when necessary
- Listen actively to team members’ input
- Show up on time and respect others’ time
- Set clear boundaries and maintain them
- Follow through on commitments
I find that the most respected leaders I’ve worked with excel at balancing confidence with humility. They don’t need to remind people of their authority because their actions speak for themselves.
The Self-Respect Connection
Perhaps the most profound point made in the video was: “The less you try to control what other people think about you, the more people will actually respect you because you respect yourself.”
This hits on something fundamental about workplace dynamics. When we’re secure in our abilities and comfortable in our role, we stop seeking external validation. This self-assurance is magnetic – it draws others to trust our judgment and follow our lead.
I’ve noticed that my own leadership effectiveness improved dramatically when I stopped worrying about whether my team respected me and focused instead on making decisions I could respect myself for.
Putting It Into Practice
The video ends with a perfect example of earned respect in action. Instead of demanding attention, the leader calmly states:
“Good morning, everyone. This meeting is going to be 20 minutes. We are going to cover these three topics and we can discuss any questions at the end. Sound good? Okay. Let’s get started.”
Notice what’s happening here – the leader is:
- Respecting everyone’s time with a clear timeframe
- Setting expectations about the meeting structure
- Creating space for questions
- Seeking consensus before proceeding
This approach demonstrates confidence without arrogance and authority without authoritarianism.
The next time you find yourself wanting to remind your team why they should respect you, pause. Ask yourself if your actions are already showing them why. True leadership isn’t about demanding respect – it’s about being the kind of person others naturally want to follow.
Remember that respect is earned daily through consistent actions, not granted automatically with a title. By focusing on your behavior rather than others’ perceptions, you’ll build the authentic respect that makes teams thrive.